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Topmost Grief

by HTML

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1.
getting head in a death bed xanax nose, heart of gold blood stained rosary beads virgin mary pray for me four track siren song tied to the mast, beeswax we never shared a bed like we shared that five am phone call when you said you wanted to die and i said it was alright because so did i
2.
gettin' high and watching the mets curtis granderson hits a homerun turn off my phone and lay in bed spent the whole summer under five hundred makin' out with the devil in the back of his '83 trans am windows down listen to metallica they're my favorite band
3.
Yr Computer 03:43
it's the first sunday in ordinary time on your computer looking at pictures of the ocean looking at pictures of the woods behind your house the odour of sanctity still creeping through the floorboards while ghosts of ballroom lovers dance beneath our feet we measure intimacy in tablespoons the length of clipped cigarettes and hard swallows sweat soaked something in the back of your throat heart palpitations like paint bucket drums that strange men play through the noise and conversation outside shea stadium and our lips wrapped up like magnetic vhs tape you said most people spend their whole lives trying to be as happy as they were when they were five years
4.
pink lemonade the carpeted floor in your parents house playing monopoly in the attic after i eat you out the snow falls on the roof orange juice stains around your lips making maps of all the place i wanna kiss the snow falls on the roof chocolate milk all the roads are closed watching law & order: svu without our clothes the snow falls on the roof
5.
Liquor Store 03:18
twenty missed calls and i'm half dead wish i had a cigarette but i quit wish i didn't tequila in a coffee mug yeah i love getting drunk write a thesis on your sighs dissertation on your thighs that i touch is that enough is that enough drive town to the liquor store hold hands in the parking lot you're only twenty years old
6.
Joyce 04:11
there's only two things you can make your own of luck and loneliness at least that's what i was told some miller high life and some bad intentions you told me to go downtown and get my aura read it was bright green like the vomit that you threw up in the cab ride home from my house. your eyes said nirvana but you wasted my time, and now i'm left alone in this twin bed stained with wine and why is it so hard to love this life? oh my. do you ever feel like the universe is just a series of lights that are trying to kill you? on the edge of the couch, i wonder if you wear my bands shirt to bed. and i was faded like a glow in the dark star on your bedroom ceiling on your bedroom wall, the constellations of your kiss, sprawled across galaxies on my lips. a soliloquy to a voicemail box watching snow hit the ground, watching it pile up. and i've falling faintly out of love or falling faintly out of touch. now i feel like frankie valli back in '63, oh what a fucking night, i need a fucking drink. pull up to the house, keep the engine on, keep the windows down. and why is it so hard to love this life?
7.
i don't wanna fall in love i just wanna fall asleep in the backseat, your brand new chevrolet in the blockbuster parking lot the windshield wipers stop and start pushing the snow of your brand new chevrolet and lately my eyes are just check engine lights you turn around and ask if i'm alright key in the ignition but i keep stalling just another winter with my headlights broken so swing low, sweet sedan, four doors and six airbags take me home to my own bed tonight. over the grand st bridge, swaying over a green ocean, the odometer is lookin' kind of frozen and lately my eyes are just check engine lights you turn around and ask if i'm alright key in the ignition but i keep stalling just another winter with my headlights broken
8.
Ouija Board 03:40
sunday morning holiday heart i talk to you through a ouija board never go to sleep again never go to school again and you'll be my ghost and if you don't mind i'd like to abandon this body and lay in the static with you we'll order bagels in bed then we'll haunt all of our friends in all the old familiar places phase through walls and hold hands you can teach me how to dance lets do the twist again and if you don't mind i'd like to abandon this body and lay in the static with you sunday morning never coming down i kiss you through a ouija board never fall in love again never sleep alone again and you'll be my ghost and if you don't mind i'd like to abandon this body and lay in the static with you
9.
Glory, Be 03:24
i found the edge of existence and i'm convinced i killed myself when i was 16 and i've been a ghost ever since sewn together, sewn together limb by limb. i wanna get in a fight but more importantly i want to lose so my insides match my outsides for a change. for the sake of consistency. so i hung a list of insecurities above my bed so when i can't sleep i can lay and count all them, and i will lay alone or we could lay together but i'll probably lay alone. all alone
10.
at the laundromat with my last seventy-five cents trying to get the smell of you out of my lebron james jersey and i think about you when i moisturize my hands your skin felt rough like a paperback of the grapes of wrath and i think about you when i moisturize my hands

credits

released February 9, 2018

Recorded and Mixed by Ellie K at Jam Eater Studios in Oceanside, NY

Mastered by Paul Gold of Salt Mastering

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